Most of it came from someone that said they loved me, and though I rallied for them everyday, they chose to believe someone selfish and ignorant, over someone they knew, and knew well.
But then I think about the good things that happened this year. Though they have been over shadowed by the bad, I am still thankful for all the wonderful gifts and blessing that I have. I know it could be so much worse.
So finally, after trying for over a year to understand how the evil and hateful get their "happily ever after," and those faithful and true get kicked in the teeth, I have realized that I just don't know. It's not something anyone can tell me, and it's not something I can fix. I've even asked, and no one understands the situation. Even those closest to the issue don't know or understand; and sadly, they fear the precarious nature of their relationship and do not feel they can express their true feelings - that what has and is happening is WRONG, because they are afraid it will make those involved angry. It's sad when family can't be honest with you.
And so, today I took the first step away. After a year, I can't keep being faithful to someone who was never faithful to me.
So I deleted him.
Gone from my email. Gone from my phone. Gone from my life, and hopefully soon, gone from my heart. If he had ever actually believed in me - believed in us, he would have never done what he did. He never would have listened to that other person's voice over what I said. I never once lied to him, but I can't even count the number I received in return. And even after everything happened, I rallied for him. I knew what was important to him, and asked over and over to let me walk away so he could have his passions. But he stopped talking to me - stopped listening to love and truth. He got caught up in the quest for a shag, and now...
He's gone.
And I deserve better.
Because I'm worth more than that.