Dear Sir,
I apologize in advance for bothering you today, but I felt that I should take a moment to say hello. In all honesty, I don’t really know who you are; or whether I have met you, but I hope in the near future you will become a more prominent fixture in my life.
I will be honest. I have very little experience in the realm of romantic relationships. I know that when you realize that the only “date” I went on was as a wing-man for my sister at 16, you might shy away from the idea of dating me. I mean, it would be like adding a new player 4 hours into a record game of monopoly; but though I have not dated, it does not mean I do not have experience being in a partnership. That, I have LOTS of experience in. Besides, my lack of dating experience can actually be a good thing. It is very possible that I have never been to some of the places you have been, or have done some of the things you have done. Things you like to do that other people may find boring or uninteresting, will be new to me! Plus, I am not soiled by the tactics of other men. I’m a clean dating slate!
You may be wondering why I have such a lack of romantic experience. Truthfully, I did it to myself. Years of abuse to my body left me feeling alone and unworthy of anyone. It didn’t help that the few boys I have liked, that were not interested in return, made it their missions to find ways to not only break my heart, but humiliate me in return. So now, years later, I find myself at the end of a long struggle to regain what I destroyed of my own self-worth and self-image to find that most everyone is taken. So, I kind of did myself in, twice. Hence, this plea to you.
Honestly, in a lot of ways it might be a good thing that everything has happened in this way. I don’t easily trust, and I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve (until today), because once I open the door to love, I love very deeply. Having my heart broken – even the few times that it has happened – is a devastating thing for me. I don’t heal easily. (Luckily I have learned to hide the depth of the hurt very well.) So, having very few options is best. Besides, I would prefer to keep my heart as free as I can, so I can give you as much love as you deserve!
So what exactly is it you should expect? That is a very good question! First of all, please don’t confuse my inexperience with indecisiveness. I have opinions, and there are things I like to do, but there are many, many more things that I have just never done. If you want me to choose between Sushi or Greek food, for example, I will probably defer to you. Why? Because I have never had either kind of food! I wouldn’t know what to order on the menu, or even know the difference between what’s good and what’s bad. This could be frustrating, I understand, but it could also be a very fun adventure! Think of all the places we could go – and the new experiences we could have. Those would be treasured memories…
…and since we’re discussing restaurants, you should know that I don’t eat a lot…in one sitting. Please don’t be offended if I take half of my meal home in a doggie bag. I physically can’t eat a whole burger in one sitting. But TRUST ME. That burger will be gone before the night is over! That’s one of the reasons I enjoy buffets. I can have a little taste of everything, and pick my own portion sizes!
What else… well, really, I’m a simple girl. I enjoy going out on occasion, but for the most part I am perfectly content sitting at home and watching a movie. There are lots of movies I haven’t seen. Between school and work, there hasn’t been a lot of time. DVR and premium cable are most treasured! Going out to a movie, or otherwise, then becomes more of an occasion, as opposed to expected. And besides, I can be quite entertaining when seeing a new movie! Especially if it is an action movie, or something a little on the scary side.
If we decide not to watch any movies, I’m just as happy watching TV. I’ve always tried to watch at least one episode of anything new. I can usually tell whether or not I am going to find the show interesting after 1 episode. Sometimes it takes two or three, but I enjoy the thrill of something new. (And that doesn’t just include TV shows!)
But again, I am always up for an adventure. I was recently told that I was one of those people who would always be young. I think it’s true. I’m a grown-up on paper, but I’m still that same little girl that played alone on the blacktop because no one wanted to dance along to the music in my head. (I guess they couldn’t hear it.) I still keep stuffed animals (including all of my original Fraggle Rock characters), I like to talk to my Christmas trees, I dance in my car, make funny faces in the bathroom mirror, and like to see how many Red Vines I can fit in my mouth without drooling. I’m silly! I try not to take life too seriously - though sometimes life itself gets in the way of that – and try to find simple pleasures in the mandatory boring bits.
The thing is, those parts of life tend to be more fun, when there is someone to do them with. That’s why I would like to do them with you, sir. Plus, there are a lot of other things that I have always wanted to do that I just can’t do on my own. Like holding hands, or spooning. I want to have a pizza picnic on the floor of our living room, or on our bed. (By yourself, that’s just considered binging.) I want to take mundane drives to nowhere just because we can, and I want to see your face every night before I fall asleep, and every morning when I wake up. I want to be able to kiss you, just because I can, and feel my heart fill with joy just to be around you because you make my day better – you make ME better.
I want to be with someone who is not ashamed to be seen with me, and looks forward to the time we get to spend together. I want to be able to share with you little funny things or irritations that happen throughout the day, and I want you to be able to do the same. I want to be part of your family, and learn your traditions, and embrace them. I want to support you, and love you and be everything you need me to be. I may not have relationship experience, but I know that your family and my family become our family, your problems and my problems become our problems, and your successes and my successes become our successes. And I know, I know, that even though the problems and the debts may double, with us supporting and loving one another they will seem half as difficult.
So Sir, I ask you now to take a moment to truly look and see me. I’m not asking for outside help, or to be set-up on a blind date; I’m just asking you to take my hand and join me on this journey called life. I’m kind, I’m loyal, I’m loving, and damn it, I’m pretty! I’m a freakin’ catch! Once, someone called me a “keeper,” but within a week’s time I was deemed unsuitable to even be around anymore. I hope you will take the time to decide that for yourself.
In the meantime, know I am here waiting for you when you decide you need me, with my arms open and my heart full. I hope that time comes soon. Life is short, and I have A LOT of love to give. I want to make sure I get the chance to give you as much love as I can, for the longest amount of time. Plus,… we’re just gonna plain have FUN!
With all my heart, my soul, my love, sir.
~A
I'm not looking for "Mr. Perfect," I'm looking for "Mr. Perfect for me." :)