Worst. Year. EVER.
It's when you get to the end that you can look back and see clearly how things really were, as opposed to how they appeared to you at the time.
I was lied to almost the entire year, and then the liar tried to manipulate the situation so that I would feel guilty.
No.
I refuse to feel guilt for your deceit. I refuse to feel bad for doing right. I refuse to feel bad for believing that when you said everything was fine, that you meant it.
I had no reason not to believe.
You chose dishonesty. You chose deceit. You chose manipulation, abuse and hatred. YOU.
So, I move on.
A new year, a new positive outlook on life, with amazing experiences, and happy, wonderful, HONEST people.
Here's what I have learned:
I deserve better.
I DESERVE BETTER.
I want to be a girl in a Billy Joel song.
I want to be wanted.
I want to be a girl that is special enough to be pursued.
To be thought about.
To be WORTH THE TIME.
Too many guys don't bother trying anymore.
They only want to talk to you when they know they can get something.
(Usually that something is sex.)
Otherwise, you're not worth the time.
You know what?
I'm worth the time.
I'm worth the investment.
I'm worth the patience.
And you know what else, imaginary chivalrous man?
SO ARE YOU!
Man Up!
Ask a girl out.
Hold my hand.
Be happy with a first date hug.
Ask me for a kiss.
Hold my door open.
Call me just to see how my day was, without ulterior motives.
Find a reason to come see me.
Let me find a reason to come see you.
Accept me as a surprise lunch partner at work.
Be polite.
Be chivalrous!
I'm so tired of angry, dishonest, rude people.
Especially when they act that way and then expect something from you.
I'm NICE.
That doesn't give you permission to take advantage.
That doesn't give you permission to ignore me until you need me.
It means you should want me and want to be with me MORE.
Why would I want to be with someone who is going to abuse, demean and mistreat me for the rest of my life?
Get over yourself.
Because I (and a lot of other AMAZING women) am waiting for men with BALLS to use them.
Three dates does not mean sex.
Three dates means you like someone enough to want a fourth, and a fifth, and a sixth, and a commitment, and maybe even more.
It means changing your life to accommodate someone else, and allowing them to do the same, and being happy about it, and excited, and scared, but ready for the ride.
Man up.
Let me be a lady.
Let me care about you.
Let me love you and know that you're deserving of my love, because you're mine.
...and I have no reason to doubt that.
Or you.
That's what I've learned.
That's what I'll wait for.
That's what I deserve.
Bring it 2014. I'm ready!